i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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