@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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