Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
