My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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