dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
