So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
