im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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