Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
