I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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