she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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