I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
