..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I FOUND THE LEGS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
