I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
farters have to be the big spoon...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
