When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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