things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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