Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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