i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
