i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
