Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
