so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
