Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
