She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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