Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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