I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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