Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
