Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
