can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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