you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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