alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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