1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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