im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
