I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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