Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
