He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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