You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
