i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
