Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
