Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
