Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
