Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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