I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
