Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
