I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
