this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
