4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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