her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
