sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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