If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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