his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
