i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
