he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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