is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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