i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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