peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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