I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
