imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
