Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
