Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
