epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
