I am midnight drunk by noon
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
