Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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