just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
