Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
