K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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