My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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