Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize