It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
