This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
