I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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