I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
