oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
