you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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