We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
