No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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