You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
