That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize