I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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