thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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