Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
