Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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