I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
