I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
