Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
