Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
