the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can I color on your dick again?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
