I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
